I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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