I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
