Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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