That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
