he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
