if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
