I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
