You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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