i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
