Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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