She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
