My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
