Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
