Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
