I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
