well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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