highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
