don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
