saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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