is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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