I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
