So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
