so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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