I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
