I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
