VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
