is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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