Already got asked if we're dating
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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