what if every blade of grass was a penis?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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