what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
