I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
