you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
