I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
