I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The best revenge is premature balding
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
