thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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