i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
