In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
