...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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