it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
