i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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