grandma shit on top of the toilet
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
