He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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