I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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