He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
