the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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