theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
