I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we should paint friendship bongs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize