The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
