Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize