I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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