I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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