nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
