Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
