she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
