I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize