You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
