Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
