worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
