I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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