Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
