dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
