I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He better not be in your backpack
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
