your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
