what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
