Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
