so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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