Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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