This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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