You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
